That year, my entire life did a complete 180° turn. I am talking about my twentieth year of life, the year I did what others considered then, the craziest thing in my life. I was studying Chemical Engineering, already in my third year. I had a full bursary, which meant that I didn’t have to worry about any studying or living expenses, they were all covered by my bursary, and to top it all, I didn’t have to pay any of it back. A career and a stable life was all but a done deal for me. My life couldn’t get any better than that. I was an excited twenty year old, on my way to the top, defying the odds, and glorifying my God for His hand in all of it.
Then, it all changed. I gave it all up, without a moment’s hesitation. I got married to my husband, who is a Pastor, who has given up his entire life to serve God. And, in the same faith, I gave up my own life, my bright future, to serve God as well. I remember telling everyone about it – my family, my friends, my bursars. Their stares are still imprinted in my memory. They all said the same thing, "This is crazy, don’t do it, you will live to regret it!" But, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that was exactly what I was called to do, and I wanted nothing else other than to follow my calling. I had found my purpose in life, and I chose to fulfil it. I followed by faith, without fully understanding then what the journey ahead held for me.
Today, I still do not regret the ‘crazy’ decision I made then. I am 31 years old. I have no career, no house, no car, nothing, absolutely nothing to my name, other than the clothes on my back, and a few insignificant possessions. I do not even have a permanent address. I pack and go at a moment’s notice. I share my living space with others who are in the same faith as I am. I live hand to mouth, by God’s grace. I have no savings. I have no pension fund. I don’t even have time to myself. I wake up every morning, and my focus is to serve. There is very little time in my life for myself. I fight hard in prayers and fasting so that others may live the life I chose to forgo. You are thinking it too, isn't it? You are thinking that this is a crazy way to live. Well, I am a woman with no limits. Nothing is impossible for me. Perhaps I do not earn a salary of six figures, but my God has given His life for me. I lack nothing. I am constantly surrounded by people who humble and bless me with their respect. I have peace and the Lord keeps me from all harm— He watches over my life, and provides for my every need. I have been well compensated, far beyond expectation, for every single thing I gave up. My future is entirely in God's Hands. And we all know, He does not make a mess of things. But, the question is, 11 years later, what do I have to show for it?
To be honest, it sounds very nice in prayer to be able to say to my God, “I gave up my life to follow you.” I’ll be further more honest and admit that I have even been tempted several times to use it as a bargaining chip whenever I want results from God. But, the fact is, God didn’t call me to be one more fan in His fan base. He called me with a specific mission – a mission that was meant solely for me, and no one else. That mission was to make a difference! That mission was to serve. That mission was to save souls, mine and those of all whom God has put in my way. For that to happen, I have to constantly fight the good fight of living by faith and not emotions. I constantly have to avail myself to God’s people physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, every little thing I do, I do it to serve.
By now, you are probably wondering why I am choosing to share all this with you, right? Well, someone recently pointed out to me that there are many young women who, like me, wish to serve God. Some wish to do so for the right reasons and others for the wrong reasons. This blog is meant for clarity. Indeed, I cannot think of anything nobler than serving God. But, oftentimes many young women look at the Pastor’s Wife, and all they see is a beautifully dressed and made-up woman with a smile on her face, seemingly without any care in the world, and who is respected by the people around her, and they desire to have a life like they imagine she has. Hopefully, by now you know that there is much more to this woman. Every woman who is called by God has been entrusted with a mission – a mission in which failure is no option. Now, if you desire to serve God, how will you know whether your desire is genuinely God’s calling or whether it is just a product of your own vanity? You will know when you know it with absolute certainty, without even the slightest shadow of doubt, and when you are prepared to serve others and make a difference in the Work of God!