Monday, 23 January 2012

Moti Answers: I Have Feelings For Someone!

I am a single Assistant and I have feelings for another Assistant. I would like to know, what is the right thing to do, now that we are getting to know each other? I haven’t told him what I feel for him, because I don’t think that’s convenient. Also, do I have to tell my Pastor that I like another Assistant, without knowing if he likes me as well?

Help me!

Dear friend,

First of all, let me say it’s never a bad thing to keep your Pastor aware of what is going on in your life. In my opinion, you should approach your Pastor to share with him what you’ve just shared with me. You do not need your pastor’s permission to date anyone, so it’s not up to him to ‘allow’ or ‘forbid’ you to have a relationship. The decision is all yours. But, if you share with him what you feel, he can be able to offer you advice and clear any doubts you may have.

Now, when we develop feelings for someone, we start feeling so many emotions – the butterflies in the stomach, the excitement of secretly watching him, how he smells, how he walks. For us ladies, all these things take over us. Is it wrong to feel all this things? Not at all! But, these feelings can be very dangerous, if they blind us from the truth, which is what happens to many women. Above all, trust this decision to God. Ask Him to help you make the right decision and to show you anything that is not from Him.

I am assuming that you are looking for someone, because you want to get married. If you want to date for fun, I would advise you against it. It’s better to start dating when we are ready to settle down. The heartache that comes with casual dating isn’t fun at all and it isn’t worth it. But, if you are looking to get married, well friend, now is the time to really start getting to know him. Put aside all these exciting feelings we mentioned above. You need to start observing what kind of person he is, to see whether you are compatible with him and whether you can trust him enough to share your life with him. Observe how he treats his family, how he behaves when he’s corrected, his attitude about money, how he is around other women, how he deals with his commitments, how he treats people as an Assistant. In short, read him like a book.

If, while you are getting to know him, you notice something about him that isn’t good, for example, he’s always rude with people, he doesn’t respect and give value to his family, he’s proud when corrected, he doesn’t like sharing anything he has, he’s tight fisted, he flirts with women, he doesn’t honour his commitments in church, then you need to consider these warning signs. Either go your separate ways or wait for him to change before entering into a committed relationship.

May God guide you with this important decision.

P.S. If you choose to go out with him, so you can get to know him better, then don’t go to private places. Always choose to meet in public places. 

(If you also have a question you would like me to answer, send it to


jenny cvyg said...

Hello Mrs Moti

I Am single at the moment and not looking to date for now as Am not ready for marriage but I just want to thank you for allowing God to use you and sharing this info on here Really helps me to open my eyes an be well equipped for when my time comes.Very useful and if this young asst an I follow this advice definately God will bless our lovelifes.

God bless

Jenny Cardiff

Jo-Anne said...

Thank you so much Mrs Moti this has helped me alot! i will bare all these things in mind. although i am not ready to date yet, the warning signs you mentioned ill keep an eye out for, among others.
It's so amazing how God works lol because its like I asked this question...but i didnt...amazing. thank you so much!