I was reading your blog titled True Love Series: Two Strangers Living Together and to tell you the
truth I am all that you wrote and more with my husband. We don’t talk or do
anything together and we've been like this for years now (been married six
years). The problem is the only thing he likes to do is sleep with me and it’s
the worst thing that I like to do in my life. I've tried talking to him over
and over and have even tried to sleep with him as he wants but he doesn’t do
the things I like in return. I only like to talk and walk with him and he
doesn’t even want to do that. I have given up on my marriage and don’t care
what happens next. The worst thing is I am in the church and he is not but I
have failed. What should I do? I just want to go away from him for a while so
that I can at least start to miss him and think of him again, then maybe I can
start all over with him.
Please help!
Please help!
Dear friend,
When I read your email, I have to admit I felt a bit overwhelmed.
I had so much to say and didn’t know how to condense everything in this one answer.
So, dear friend, I advise you to continue following this True Love Series
faithfully, for there are certain things and certain answers that will come in later
posts, and you will begin to understand more about true love.
Now, let’s just concentrate on what I perceive to be the
root of your problem. You have not yet realized the power you have to change
your situation. Had you realized it, you wouldn’t be thinking about giving up. You
are not yet aware how much influence you have over your husband. At this point,
you have placed expectations on him and are waiting for him to change, which is
like a parent waiting for a child to change, before they can become a good
parent. I’m not saying you are your husband’s mother, not at all. What I’m
saying is, you are the influential half in your marriage, and waiting for him
to change is leading you to sacrifice your power of influence.
It’s not a coincidence that the Bible says a wise woman
(instead of a man) builds her house, while a foolish one tears hers down. This
verse simply shows that as women, we have power over our house – the power to
build and the power to tear it down. So, let’s look at ways you can start
building your house…
First of all, removing yourself from your house is certainly
not the way to build the house. I strongly advise you against taking a break,
especially now when things between you are this rocky. You won’t get to miss
your husband, as you think you will, you will end up forgetting him. That is the
quickest way to end your marriage.
Secondly, start putting in your mind that it is up to you to
change things and not up to him. I know that’s probably the last thing you want
to hear, but it is the truth. It is your responsibility. As such, you need to
stop looking at the wrong things he does and start looking at the wrong things
you do. From your email, I already know what your husband does that hurts you
(in your opinion), but what do you do that hurts him? Start identifying things
in you that are pushing your husband away and are hurting him. Once you’ve
identified them, start changing them immediately. That alone should make him
see you in a different light and inspire him to treat you better. Remember to
keep visiting the blog every Tuesday, to learn more things you can do to change
your marriage.
(If you have any doubts or questions you would like me to answer, send them to moti.answers@gmail.com)
2 comments:
These words are very strong, truly as women we have the power to build or destroy our homes, so really we have to be that wise woman who builds her house, this truly demands sacrifice because for our spouses to change we cannot look to their faults, first we have to see ours and as you said we should start to change first which will give the Holy Spirit chance to change our spouses, this is very strong, it is not easy to do but it works i am testimony to that. God bless you Mrs. Moti.
It's very true that sometimes we easily point fingers to our other half, seeing their wrong things and not recognising that there are certain things that we need to change in order for them to see and treat us in a different way.
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